You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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