I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
