I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize