There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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