I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
