girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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