My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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