Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I've blown a few things in my day
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize