he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
