so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
