I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
