it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
