Reggie can tackle my bush.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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