Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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