i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
