How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
