loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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