Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
