he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
