2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
