Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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