so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
