She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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