I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
