I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
