Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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