Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
