if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
