I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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