whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
