if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
