It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
