My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
