that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
