My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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