It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
