Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
