Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
