I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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