dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
