she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you win again, gameday.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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