So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
