I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This house was built for laser tag.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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