You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
