I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize