My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize