i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
