I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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