so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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