I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
