if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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