got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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