so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
