Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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