everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize