Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
