I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
