You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize