just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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