Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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