And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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