i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
