he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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