She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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