I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
