Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
