I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
