yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
