All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
