i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
