im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
