I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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