she was so not down for the gang bang
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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