Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
